dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pants are for mortals
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
