my mouth tastes like poor choices
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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