Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize