how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I color on your dick again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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