The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
