i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize