If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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