I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just tell him i said nine months
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
