This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
