Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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