mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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