So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
