So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
