would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
