Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do vagina's smell?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
