i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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