So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
