just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
