Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize