I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
