Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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You need Xanax blowdarts
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize