I must be too annoying 4 u.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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