dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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