I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
