It's Friday. Sex?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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