Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
