Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize