i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
