I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
