shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I believe in your delicious
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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