my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize