Yo dont text me then not text me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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