you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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