He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
