If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
