I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
