ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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