I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is the high leading the old right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
