I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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