nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this boner is exhausting
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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