I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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