Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
