I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
