Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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