Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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