woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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