Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're using joints as your birthday candles
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
