well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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