Betty ford says i'm here all night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
