i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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