I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ok first of all what the fuck
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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