its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
