did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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