he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
