I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
