so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
