remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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