Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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