More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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