I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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