its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
