Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I want is dick and wine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
